I was walking with my Mum in Perth recently to go to the shops when I saw a lady with a pram and a group of people coming in the opposite direction. I usually try to keep left even on a footpath so went to my hard left. On the left of me was a bench so I could not go further left. I anticipated the lady would move over to my right so I had room to get through. She didn't. She bumped into me - hard. I just about lost my balance.
'Whoops,' I exclaimed, a bit surprised. I continued on.
I realised she had had a steely, very stern look on her face and realised it may have been deliberate. Why would she deliberately bump into me? I wondered. I didn't really have anything against her up to that point or First Nations people in general.
For a good 15 minutes, I noticed not many thoughts came up at all. Was the Universe showing me how clean my mind was, I wondered. Until I noticed it all came. All the negativity from when I was bullied at High School came to the fore. About how I should have made a very blunt remark, recorded her reaction on video and sent it to the police. Or physically stood my ground more strongly so she moved instead of me. I practiced getting rid of those thoughts repeatedly, but it was difficult.
I went back to Mum's and while getting salami for my lunch, accidentally cut myself with a fork. What's this, is the Universe punishing me again for an obscure reason, I thought cynically. Until I realised. Cutting myself with a fork was a more serious injury than being bumped into, which didn't even hurt. The pain was self-imposed. I thought about the lady with the pram and, I could be guessing at the cause, but First Nations people did not exactly have a nice history after Europeans settled. That anger may have actually saved their lives at the time those atrocities were committed, but was then passed down genetically through habits. It was from my own past experience that I automatically took it personally. I reminded myself that we are all in fact one, regardless of race. That helped also, but those stubborn negative thoughts persisted. Therefore, I am writing this blog article. With a band-aid still on my left hand.